Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Today's forecast

Is for deep sorrow, with intermittent periods of despair.

For many people, I think Sunday's celebration marks a certain closure. There will be sadness, and memories, but they can now begin that work I hear described alternately as "healing" or "scarring over" the wound.

For me, the hard part starts now. I no longer have the daily tasks to do "for him," and "to honor him." Now I have...nothing. At least, nothing that I want.

Grief is exhausting and unpredictable and utterly debilitating. In a world where we strive to manage everything, grief is one of the few reminders that we control nothing of any importance. No wonder we've all but banished it from our culture.

At many times, I feel as if my grief marks me, defines me, precedes me into a room. Then at other times I long for that "symbol" that could identify me with my grief, like the widow's weeds of long ago, and could insulate me from the managed world. My symbol would say to the world, "I am Grieving. I cannot be sane. I have lost what matters most. Handle me with care--but do not be too kind to me."

5 Comments:

At 10:22 AM , Blogger Rev Dr Mom said...

Dorcasina, I am so sorry. Hugs and good thoughts and prayers for you as you do the hard work of grieving.

 
At 11:10 AM , Blogger Yankee T said...

I'm so, so sorry about the forecast. May there be glimpses of light, day by day, that begin to connect at a point.

 
At 5:55 AM , Blogger academic coach said...

You honor him today with this painful, eloquent writing that keeps you and him in all of our thoughts.

 
At 9:12 PM , Blogger Bickler3 said...

The valley of the shadow of death has a whole new meaning......it's this darkness that falls over everything.......even blots out the sun. I am sorry you have to go there.....

 
At 6:20 AM , Blogger MoMedusa said...

my thoughts are with you during this stormy weather

 

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