Et al.

Today's forecast

Is for deep sorrow, with intermittent periods of despair.

For many people, I think Sunday's celebration marks a certain closure. There will be sadness, and memories, but they can now begin that work I hear described alternately as "healing" or "scarring over" the wound.

For me, the hard part starts now. I no longer have the daily tasks to do "for him," and "to honor him." Now I have...nothing. At least, nothing that I want.

Grief is exhausting and unpredictable and utterly debilitating. In a world where we strive to manage everything, grief is one of the few reminders that we control nothing of any importance. No wonder we've all but banished it from our culture.

At many times, I feel as if my grief marks me, defines me, precedes me into a room. Then at other times I long for that "symbol" that could identify me with my grief, like the widow's weeds of long ago, and could insulate me from the managed world. My symbol would say to the world, "I am Grieving. I cannot be sane. I have lost what matters most. Handle me with care--but do not be too kind to me."

posted by Unknown @ 8:35 AM