But at least my darling daughter is not a vulva-obsessed humping machine like this woman's...
Oh, I expected that El Pistola would discover the joys of the clitoris when she entered puberty, so that's not what I mean by "eventually." I mean RIGHT FUCKING NOW. And I don't mean a little casual exploration of the clitoris, either. Yeah, she likes to reach down, pat her vulva (aside--why does this spellcheck not recognize "vulva?" Clearly the work of a heterosexual man), and say, "Bulba" when I change her diaper, and sometimes she'll play around. Not a big deal, and so not what I'm talking about.
Here is what I mean: This girl humps incessantly, and she humps EVERYTHING. Her cartoon-character themed, little flip-out couch; the floor; the bed; and even her Elmo alphabet toy. Let me tell ya, watching my toddler hump and grind away as Elmo shouts out, "R! Rrr-rrr-R! R!" is not exactly the way I pictured toddlerhood going down. Tantrums? Check. Separation anxiety? Check. Masturbation? Eh, not so much.
That's just a sample...read it yourself.