Wednesday, February 23, 2005

let me play, too!

This is why no one tops The Bitch. From her discussion, via Trish Wilson, about the continued ban on selling sex toys in Alabama.
Trish Wilson says,
I've learned that the Supreme Court has decided to let stand the Alabama law that forbids the sale of sex toys. According to Stupid Country, the law makes it "a crime, punishable by a year in jail or a $10,000 fine, to sell 'any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs' in Alabama."

Parsed by Bitch, PhD., the implications read like this:

Now, Trish expected me to be offended, but really, I find the thing just risible. Apparently the ground for the decision is not about privacy, but about "restricting the sale of sex." According to this brief article, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals found that "siding with the sex toy merchants could open the door to the legalization of behavior such as prostitution."

Ah yes, we all know this story. A young girl, fresh and innocent, purchases her first vibrator. She becomes addicted to sexual pleasure, masturbating constantly, and neglecting her studies and her family duties. Her hair becomes greasy and unkempt, and her eyes unfocused, and she begins to steal money to purchase more vibes. Anything, anything! to feed her habit. Next thing you know, she's lost touch with all that is Good and Holy and is prostituting herself on the street, mere pennies for a blow job, anything to earn money towards a rabbit vibe. By the end of the novel, there she is, poor, ruined thing, standing on a street corner in the freezing rain, fingering herself right out there in public in front of god and everyone without even realizing what she's doing, all sense of shame lost in her addiction, muttering "suck your cock?" to every passing car.

Happens all the time. Only by outlawing sex toys can we protect women from their inner whores. Don't give me that "if you outlaw sex toys, only outlaws will own sex toys" crap, or the "they'll just masturbate with cucumbers or electric toothbrushes" argument. It's a slippery slope, and we must stop masturbation here and now or we'll descend into a nightmare world of humping and groaning and civilization, as we know it, will be doomed.


What's missing from this brilliant post, and from the comments I have read on her site, is an acknowledgement that this is not about banning all sex aids. The Supreme Court left untouched the question of edible undies, naughty lotions, and carb-free lubricants (at least, as long as you refrain from rubbing yourself up against the packaging). No, the suspect items are those that (and you heard it here, first), replicate the Divinely Ordained Penile Privilege of penetration and stimulation! Think about it, people. Sex toys come in all shapes and sizes, but their common subversive function is to make male anatomy obsolete! Not only will women become the sluttish whores we always knew (and, perhaps, wanted?) them to be, but they will learn to reject the Male Member in favor of his colorful, flavored, multi-textured and battery-operated stand-in! What woman wouldn't choose a night-long session with Mr. Cox over the dubious staying power of a real, live man? You get to drink the whole bottle of wine, because He can always get it up!

This does not in any way discredit the "all women are eager to become whores and it's up to us to save them from themselves" subtext of the decision. I suggest, however, that the real anxiety is occasioned by the prospective obsolescence of male genitalia, the slippery slope from "boy toy" to "sex toy" to "who needs you?"

1 Comments:

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