Monday, September 26, 2005

Bleak House

I've just returned from a few days away at a conference, and the house is dark, silent, and empty. My husband and daughter have been staying with family while I have been away and I got in too late for them to come back tonight.

There are new and ever more frightening complications on the horizon; severe liver problems that are scary enough in themselves, but even worse since they appear to rule out any more chemotherapy, and our available alternatives are fewer and fewer. I have the awful feeling that the doctors are just waiting for the next opportunity to tell us there's "nothing more they can do"--and I suddenly realize how much of my strength in this ordeal is denial, pure and simple. Most days, I can forget there's this likely impending tragedy, and that life has dealt us this awful, awful blow. I'm afraid I'm not going to have that luxury--of forgetting for a few hours that things are this bad--for much longer. I want to hope, but can't find many numbers or plans to hang that hope upon.

For now, more tests, more drugs, and more pain.

7 Comments:

At 11:36 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:03 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The comment from Mr. Assclown above: Most. Inappropriate. Comment. Ever.

I'm very sorry to hear this news, D. Rest assured that there are many of us out here who are thinking of you and your family.

 
At 10:42 AM , Anonymous Philoillogica said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 
At 11:58 AM , Blogger ABDmom said...

I'm so sorry, Dorcasina. I am thinking of all of you and wishing you strength.

 
At 2:54 PM , Blogger Yankee T said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:26 PM , Blogger Yankee T said...

Thinking of you and your family. I'm so sorry this is how it is for you. Here's hoping you find the love and support you need to bolster you.

 
At 4:37 PM , Blogger dr four eyes said...

So, so sorry, Dorcasina. Wish there were words to comfort you, but you are much in my thoughts.

 

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