Et al.

Honorary Dad

It's not a title I want, but today I was an honorary father at my daughter's class Father's Day celebration. It was actually quite a bit of fun: some kite flying, various games involving balls, board games, and the presentation of a decorated toolbox (including decorated water bottle, sponge, and a flashlight, which my daughter informed me she was "only pretending" to give to me, "because I need to keep that, Mama, to find things hiding under our beds." Okay) The Dads were generally nicer and easier to chat with than the other mothers, who seem to come in two varieties: the brittle, tanned, perfectly-groomed real-estate types and the not-quite-but-very-nearly-redneck variety, who tend to congregate together.

I managed to assemble our cheap kite with a little help from a nearby dad, was only asked once, point-blank, why I was there, when I was clearly NOT a father, and even managed to get the kite up in the air for several runs. I also got far more exercise than I had planned on, but not enough to offset the horrific McD's pancake breakfasts we took (I know, I should have gotten up and prepared us a fruit platter, but "BYOBreakfast" is tough in a town without a decent bagel place). And yes, for those of you who are counting, I have now had 2 breakfasts from the epitome of American obesity, culinary turpitude, and cardboard convenience in the past several months. More than I had purchased from there in the past 20 years, I think. That's life in a blue-collar town for you.

But, of course, the whole event was tinged by great sadness. My husband would have enjoyed putting together the kite, and he would have been able to explain how to keep it aloft. He would have played well with the other dads, and taken great delight in the fact that my daughter's current friends are mostly boys, with whom she plays "builder" and "trains," rather than the sissified girls who dominate her class. He would have loved using the water bottle at work, and the toolbox for something important. And she is so clearly starved for male attention; we have some terrific male friends who are great with her, but it's not the same as that steady assurance of a father's love and care. She gravitates to other kids' fathers so quickly that it breaks my heart. It doesn't help that both of her grandfathers are, well....distant--if not geographically, then emotionally. Or both.

Dammit. It's so unfair--to her, to him, and to me, although today, for once, I was more upset for the two of them and what they lost than for myself.

posted by Unknown @ 11:33 AM