Low-rent Theology
This morning, over breakfast (cantaloupe and sourdough toast for her, cottage cheese with incredible peaches for me):Daughter: Mama, I think Papa is still at the doctor. (This is frequently her opening line when she wants to discuss him, death, and what it all means.)
Dorcasina: No, sweetie. You know Papa's not still at the doctor. You know that Papa died, and we don't ever get to see him again.
Daughter: Well, maybe he is in heaven!
Now, all the grief folks warned me NOT to tell her that Papa was "looking down" on her from heaven; they said that feeling of being watched by a dead person can be creepy...duh. So I've been pretty theologically noncommital about Papa's afterlife whereabouts, except that Snickollet and I just know that our husbands are hanging out together, and have probably hooked up with Badger's beloved Mr. Badger on occasion for some deeply existential talks, or to make farting armpit noises.
Dorcasina, tentatively: ....well, maybe. What is heaven?
Daughter, cheerfully matter of fact: It's a big room where he can talk to other died [sic] people. And maybe play with toys.
Dorcasina (thinks): Yeah, I bet he'd like that...
Dorcasina: Uh huh. Who told you about heaven?
Daughter: Mrs. Teacher Lady! She said my papa is in heaven! And that he is happy!
Mrs. Teacher Lady is my daughter's primary teacher--which in Montessori world means that they are about to start their third year together. She has been unfailingly loving, supportive, and thoughtful in helping both my daughter and me. She's very active in her church, and makes private references to her faith. So I'm actually really okay with her providing what to her probably feels like a very neutral bit of information. She definitely doesn't proselytize, but she does feel that her beliefs are a big part of her life, and she's made that pretty clear in private conversations. I don't share most of her beliefs, but I really like her and trust her to keep the details of her theology to herself. I have also talked to her about my own spiritual beliefs, so I can see why she thought this would be okay to say to my daughter. And she's right. It is okay. My liberal/academic/secular/knee-jerk self immediately wonders "is this appropriate?" But in this case, it's just fine.
Dorcasina: Well, he probably misses us very much. But we want him to be happy, even though we miss him. Maybe heaven is like a park, so he can go outside?
Daughter: Yes! With other died [sic] people. Mama, can I have another piece of toast?
I wish I had a video of this for those folks who want to really know what it's like to be a widow and a single mom.
Labels: bragging about my daughter, cancer widow, wisdom of the ages
posted by Unknown @ 9:47 AM
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