Reasons for celebration
1. Another blow for
the current administration, which has been, to my mind, intent on "saving" America by rendering its laws moot and its promises null and void.
2.
Erstwhile rock band Toto has dissolved because their lead singer can no longer perform their hits "with a straight face." Kudos to him for recognizing that just because one can, one need not necessarily try to do the same things at 50 as he did at 19.
3. Old tenants are being replaced by...hot single dad! Who has an awesome daughter! More about this later; I'm in the throes of pre-vacation packing and rental negotiations before we leave for an ill-timed restful vacation in the hot, sodden, wind-swept Midwest. Oh well, our friends have air-conditioning and, we hope, a sturdy roof. And sandbags. And a cellar, like in the Wizard of Oz. And an escape route. And an amphibious vehicle.
Labels: amateur real-estate mogul, miscellaneous life
Hard-earned wisdom
My caffeine levels are back in whack today, so am feeling less grouchy. These things I hold to be true, if not self-evident:
1. Jello shooters involving Knob Creek bourbon and orange jello are not the panacea I'd hoped they would be. Nor are they suitable for a metabolism that has been in use for more than, say, 22 years.
2. As much as I love libraries, there's a way in which checking out and returning books is like dating someone else's husband. You know they will never be
truly yours.
I hope you feel edified.
Labels: miscellaneous life, wisdom of the ages
Feast or famine
With the blogging, I mean. Here I've gone months without the urge to type a word, and now, I suddenly find myself having thoughts--random, incoherent, whatever--
and not being too overwhelmed even to type a sentence.
I feel like a switch has been flipped this past week, and I feel more human than I have in years. I don't know if it's a grief stage, or that elusive "healing," or the sunlight we have finally gotten, or a serendipitous surge of mood-enhancement, but god do I hope it lasts. I have spent I know not how long feeling like *everything* is too much effort; it's all I can do to drag my ass through the day, and anything aside from sheer survival was overwhelming. Even throwing out rotting food, or boiling water, or flipping the switch on my self-cleaning over was an insurmountable hurdle. Now I have this sense that I want to
do stuff. I don't know what has clicked, but I desperately hope it stays. Oddly enough, I have had 2 days where, in the midst of this modest surge of energy, I have missed my husband sharply enough to cry.
On the other hand, the fact that my small cement garden statue of the Virgin Mary fell over and was decapitated seems like a not-so-good omen.
And the barbarity of
this story, and the general attitude that this is simply part of doing business in racing, makes me sick, sick, sick. Blaming the jockey, however, seems like the worst approach--unless he deliberately over-ran the horse, my sense is that he is almost as exploited as she was. The thought of all those dressed up people drinking and partying while a horse is dying just down the track makes me ill. Isn't "Eight Bells" what they say at sea for the death of a sailor? Grimly ironic.
Labels: miscellaneous life, the mood rollercoaster
Knock-knock
I decided to try out a "knock-knock" joke, courtesy of my nephew, by way of my sister, on my daughter:
Dorcasina: "Knock, knock"
Daughter: "Who's there?"
Dorcasina: "Cow."
Daughter: "NO. Cows can't come in the house! Let
ME do it!"
{pause}
Daughter: "Knock knock"
Dorcasina: "Who's there?"
Daughter: {shrieking} "GOAT!" (Dissolves into hysterical giggling, as do I)
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, ME! AGain! Knock Knock!"
Dorcasina: "Who's there?"
Daughter: "COWS AND GOATS!!! KNOCK KNOCK!!"
Clearly, I am doing something wrong.
Labels: miscellaneous life, Mouths of babes, utterly trivial
Passages
Contra T.S. Eliot, April is not the cruelest month; Noctvember, this long month leading up to my own personal d(eath)-day anniversary, is. Since the weather began to turn, I find myself constantly melancholy. I cry in the car (again; or is it still?) I long to wear my husband's old sweater and watch. I took out my engagement ring and put it back on (I wear his and my wedding bands, together, on my left hand. The engagement ring, much as I love it, felt frivolous and sad. But I missed it. Like I miss him. I wonder if there will be a time where he's not the first person I want to talk to; the one whose advice I seek; the one whose help I need so badly. If such a time does come, it will be all the worse, because it will mean I'm leaving him behind.
A friend has offered to set me up with a divorced man she knows. It's the first such offer I've had. I said "yes," because I am so lonely, and feel so incomplete. But I worry that I'm only looking for the man I had. No one else will be that gentle, that funny, that droll. How could they be? And how can I see past the person they are not, to catch even a glimpse of something else?
We decorated our house for Halloween. We have 6 strings of metallic spiders on strings draped around. Next weekend: the pumpkin farm.
Labels: miscellaneous life
AWOL Updates
1. Classes start tomorrow. I can't say that my summer was a complete waste, but it was bleak, and relatively unproductive. The novel and the marathon will be put on hold 'til my sabbatical kicks in.
2. In some fit of back-to-schoolness, i got a haircut and replaced all of my make-up, which had in many cases reached the classification of "biohazard." I think maybe I look a bit less old and strained than I did before, but it may just be that my failing eyesight renders my reflection sympathetically blurred.
3. My daughter got a train set, which she adores. When asked what the tank cars might carry, she replied, "Diet Coke and Bloody Marys." I am thrilled and horrified in pretty much equal measure.
4. (Part II on a theme) She asked me yesterday how old one "would have to be to have a beer, Mama?" I think CPS should be expecting a phonecall about the liquid aspects of my parenting.
5. It's overcast and humid here, and so I am pretending it is autumn. Back-to-school shoes are on order from Zappos, and a batch of Mme. X's Bolognese sauce is simmering on the stove. It's too warm, yet, and it won't compare to the wonderful nights we shared it at her home, but there is something comforting in a rich, dark sauce.
6. My mother came to visit, and systematically searched all the places I had dug through in my frenzied search for my wedding photos and passports. All have been found! Now I can play document-wars with the various branches of teh Federal Government.
7. I had to return a pair of shoes ordered from mega-online-merchant. Sadly, they were too small, but the online returns form had no garment-specific options under "reasons for return." I was forced to indicate instead that "the merchandise was incompatible with my existing systems," which amused me.
8. Did I mention that I have to face my students tomorrow? Whatever will I wear? Replacement/new shoes won't arrive until Weds., at least.
Labels: miscellaneous life
